Climbing Beyond Fear

What I learned from my 7 year old Girl Scout

When I revealed to those who know me best that I had "volunteered" to become a troop leader for my daughter's Girl Scout troop, their initial shock was palpable. Even when the news reached them through the grapevine, they were convinced it must be a mistake. The truth is, my "volunteering" may have involved a bit of coercion after a few cocktails at a summer barbecue— you know who you are…

You see, I don't fit the mold of the typical volunteer suburban crafty mom that I secretly envy for their skills. I've been the corporate executive mom, the one who sends her babysitter to events and contributes financially to the PTO out of sheer lack of time to show up in real life. Nevertheless, I assumed that with co-leaders, I could manage one volunteer position.

Fast forward 18 months, and the girls in the troop have become unexpected teachers in my life. A few weeks ago, we embarked on an indoor rock climbing adventure—a perfect opportunity for building self-confidence, trying new things, and supporting one another, especially at the tender ages of 6 and 7. What I witnessed from the girls initially was truly eye-opening.

• Lack of self confidence – At just 7 years old, some of the girls, including my own daughter, started with a "can't" attitude. It struck me how young these girls were, yet right from the start, they thought, "I can't do this, it's too hard." This revelation was something I hadn't seen in my son and his friends at their age.

• Fear of failure was another obstacle. Every girl was entirely capable, yet halfway up the climbing wall, they would freeze, look down, and default to "I can't. I want to come down now."

As the girls persisted, attempting the climb over and over again, many of them reached the summit, cheering each other on and breaking through their fears. Witnessing these little warriors overcome their fears repeatedly and seeing their radiant smiles afterward was absolutely inspiring.

However, not every girl conquered the challenge, including my own daughter, and that's perfectly okay. I must admit, in the heat of the moment, my competitive Crossfit self may have pushed her a little too hard. "One more step, you can do it, yes you can! Just try, you've got this!" inadvertently led my daughter to believe I was yelling at her, further shutting her down.

On our way home, I asked her about the activity. She expressed her reluctance to ever go rock climbing again, firmly believing she couldn't do it. This became a crucial teaching moment.

• Self talk – I questioned her if she would tell her best friend that she couldn't climb the wall, to which she, of course, said, "Of course not." So then I asked her why she would say that to herself. Her eyes widened in realization.

• Celebrating wins – We also talked about the difficulty of trying new things and how being initially bad at them is a sign of learning. The fact that she had never rock climbed before and still reached halfway up the wall was an incredible feat worth celebrating!

These might seem like obvious lessons, but the truth is, it's far simpler to dish advice than apply it ourselves. A week later, during a coaching session, my coach delved deep, questioning what was truly holding me back from this next phase in my career. The answer was clear—it had always been a fear of failure. As a visual person, I sketched out how all my fears emanated from this central fear, resembling a hub and spoke model.

Working with various coaches over the years consistently led back to this fear. Now, I realize that the only way forward is to fully embrace failure, seeking it out and learning from it at a pace that works for me and avoids creating unnecessary anxiety.

It's been about two weeks since our rock climbing adventure, and as I tucked my daughter into bed the other night, she asked, "When are we going rock climbing again?" Confused by her initial reluctance, I realized she was learning at her own pace, and I couldn't rush that.

I'm immensely grateful for this group of girls who have become my unwitting mentors, imparting invaluable lessons. I’m eager to continue our shared journey of trying new things together, embracing every challenge, learning from it,  and celebrating every small victory.